That Time The Internet Almost Broke My Spirit

We've all seen them. They pop up in our newsfeeds daily. Our friends are doing them. Shouldn't we too? I'm talking about those quizzes that promise to tell us all something about ourselves. Who were you in a past life? What is your metal band name? What's your IQ? Who's your  doppelgänger? The list goes on and on.

I recently came across the site, howhot.io,  that promised to rate your age and looks using any picture you upload. It begs you to "Let Artificial Intelligence guess your attractiveness and age". It also guesses your gender.

#howhot

Ok. I by no means think I am any great beauty. However, I don't feel I'm a total dog. After trying out this new site, it's safe to say the Internet feels otherwise.

I started by uploading this picture of myself.

Not only did it rate me the lowest on looks, it said I was older than I actually am. Wow. Not quite what I expected. I reasoned that it must be the picture I'd chosen. So, I chose this one next.

Although I am younger in this one, I am still a dog. Then I tried this one. Maybe I would have better luck.

Still a dog but, hey, I'm getting younger.

Let's try another.

Well...I'm getting older again. At least I'm consistent in the ugly dog department. At this point I'm desperate to find just one photo that doesn't rate me a hmmm.

But, still no luck. Shall I keep trying? 

At this point, I feel I should win some sort of major award. You know, kind of like the leg lamp.

Like Biggie said, "And another one".

Oooh. I'm super young in this one...and still butt ugly.

I'm old again and the hideousness of my face continues to haunt the Internet.

If there is ever a police APB put out for me, it could read. Woman 23-43 with dog-like features.

And the truth just keeps coming.

Christmas can't help me now.

WAIT! OMG!
If you put me in a wedding dress...

I'm OK looking!....as a MAN. What?

Apparently, if you put a hat on me...

I'm an even better looking man. Lucky me. I decided to photoshop myself onto a "Sexiest Woman Alive" cover.

I'm a woman again, but even having a hot bod only got me an OK.

After having this website hit me with some hard realities, I decided to put in my husbands pic.

Looks like I married up. I wonder how I compare to some other people...

Gomer Pyle... Better looking than me.

Caitlyn Jenner...better looking than me.

Hitler...better looking than me.

Transvestite...better looking than me.

Random faces of meth chick...also better looking than me.

Steve Buscemi...better looking than me.

Charles Manson...better looking than all of us.

If you want to start your day feeling amazing about yourself, try out this new site. I'm sure you'll have better luck than I did.

Lisa J is a teacher and blogger in Fort Worth, Texas.